Tuesday, May 22, 2007

microfiction

“Down the road there’s a stoplight", that’s what he said. "You'll get to a white house at the end of the street sit under the weeping willow. I’ll come for you.”

You'll bring me the world, and I'll give you my soul. You'll tell me you love me. You're dressed in black and I'm dressed in white. You'll take my hand as we walk away. The church is glowing from the setting sun. And you'll hold on tight as I promise to stay.

On our way to the park, I'll kiss your lips and you’ll take hold of my hand yet again.

And we'll dance our first dance together, and keep on dancing till all the pain of our former selves is gone. The world can try to bring us down, but they won’t know how. We can see that soon they will say “stop.” But we know we could never stop now. On our way back home, I'll kiss your lips.

And your hands won't leave my tangled fingers. Now the day is done, and the sun will sleep. And you will say to me, "My god you looked beautiful under that tree." And the streetlights slowly went out, and I whispered, “I love you.”

The sun rose at 5, like it did every day. And I woke up, without you there. The tree was weeping, and so was I. I looked down the road, but they brunt down the church.

But I’ll dance and keep dancing, knowing you’ll come back one day. Dance the pain away till all the pain from our life together is gone. Dance to forget.

4 comments:

Sam C said...

wow! this is soooo good! i really like it. it flows really well. your starting to write like me, happy in the beggining and then it gets all depressing. sam inspired! oh baby! haha love it emmy, good werk <3

kelly said...

woaaa emmy this is really good!! everything flows perfectly =)
aw yay! <333

THORtheBUNNY said...

Huh. I was right with ya there for that first bit, than you kinda started chasing squirrels. Your work has potential, but you need focus. Especially in micro fiction you need to concentrate and not just let your piece run away from you. Mechanically speaking the piece is proficient and as far as meaning, I think this is a vast improvement over some of the earlier posts on your blog. Try re-writing this and just tightening it up some and maybe a total overhaul of those last couple paragraphs. You’re getting better, but you need to work on making sure a piece is actually ready for posting before you post it.

THORtheBUNNY said...

Also, dane cook still sucks.